Michigan

won't

come

soon

enough.




Fuck!

Meh.. fucking LJ. I never use this thing anymore. I don't even know why I'm posting here. I think I just feel the need to type. Something. I don't know. I doubt anyone even reads this.

I've been in a series of seriously weird moods lately. Some good, some not so good. More good than not, but they're still weird. Right now, hm.. I'm not sure. It's not bad, but it's not good. Somewhere in between. Complacent, I suppose? That sounds about right. It's weird, though.. very weird..

Sometimes I wish I wasn't so well-liked. I know that sounds fucked up, but seriously.. sometimes I wish everyone wanted to punch me in the face. I'm pretty sure I've been through that before, with everyone wanting to punch me in the face, but.. I don't remember it. I probably blocked it out. I don't know why I feel this way, but I do. I just want to be unanimously disliked sometimes. I think it would make some things much, much easier. Much easier. I'm repeating myself. Gahhh..

I just remembered why I never use this thing. I never have anything to say. Piss on LJ. I'll look at it every once in a while, but I don't think I'll be using it for much of anything anymore. Except looking. Bleh. Fuck it.

Man..

If life was hopscotch, I would lose like a motherfucker.

Hi square one! I'm standing on your face! :)

You know, I think sleep is total bullshit. I mean, we only get so much life to ass around with, and we have to waste a good portion of it sleeping. It's retarded, I tell ya. I go through phases of loving and hating sleep. When I've wrecked myself beyond almost any recovery, sleep is my best friend. The rest of the time? Pff. I hate it. It's another one of those things that's done only out of necessity. If I could survive without sleep, I totally would. Someone needs to figure out some kind of way to bypass sleep and have the body go through all the sleep-phase processes while we're still awake. That way we'll all have more life to enjoy. Or hate. Whichever.

Sooo..

Arkansas in a few months. I'm fucking stoked. It's gonna suck leaving all the bad ass mofos I know and love here, but it's about time I made a drastic change in my life. It's gotten stale. Stale shit sucks. I'm gonna open a fresh bag of life and eat like a fat kid at a 3 cent buffet. I'm gonna quit smoking. I'm actually gonna start doing shit outside. You know.. that place that lives on the other side of the wall? The sun is there? Yeaahhh, that place. I know the sun sucks but man, all this sitting around inside shit has got to stop. I'd rather be outside getting my ass burned off than be inside dicking my life away looking at porn on the internet or whatever. There's more to life than porn. I had to figured that out eventually, I guess..

I want more piercings but I don't have the money for them. I'd like to get them before I move. That way, if I have to take them out when I get out there for work or whatever, they'll be healed and I won't have to worry about shit closing up and being shitty and shit or whatever.

Fuck I'm tired. I hate sleep so much.

Alright kids, it's been a while I know, but I'm not necessarily back. I'm never on LJ because I never have anything to say. Well, unless I'm complaining about work or whatever else might be bothering me.. but who wants to read that bucket of shit?

I'm here to say, basically, I'm still alive and I've found a lot more to do with my time that doesn't really involve the internet. The computer? Yes. The internet? No. I have a few projects to keep me busy and I enjoy fucking around with them, so naturally I'm going to choose being occupied over staring at the screen wondering what the fuck I'm doing.

Also, I wanted to wish you guys some happy holidayage (that's pronounced holiday-edge kind of) and that uh.. well that's pretty much it. I don't have gifts because I have to save my money, but I'll figure something out for the people that I want to give shit to.

I forgot where I was going with the rest of this post, but I wanted to share something that I posted on Myspace. Just.. crap about me. So read it, or don't.. your choice, and uh.. maybe you'll understand me a little more.



Here.

I have little.. ticks. Problems, issues.. whatever you wanna call 'em. Not problems with other people or anything like that, but things about myself that people either don't understand or don't know about. So.. here I am to clear some of this up, in case you're one of these people.

First off, I distance myself from people sometimes. Even my closest friends I'll avoid from time to time for no other reason than I want to be by myself. It's never really brought on by anything, it's just something that I do. For those of you that have known me for a while, you probably know this already. If you don't know already, well, there ya go. If you ever find yourself sitting around wondering "Why the fuck hasn't Tommy called me?" or "Where the fuck is Tommy?" or whatever, there's your answer. And if you ever really want to know, just call me or message me or something. I'll tell you what the deal is straight off. Sometimes, I just like being alone.

I rarely look people in the eye when I speak to them. This isn't because I'm insincere or anything like that, I just look around a lot when I talk. It's almost like I'm blind and I'm trying to catch a glimpse of the words I speak. If you ever see me doing this, don't pay any attention to it. I don't mean what I say any less because I'm not looking directly at you. I just don't look at people when I talk. *shrug*

I have a habit of overreacting to really dumb things. If you've known me for about 30 minutes, you probably know this already. For those that don't know this, well, you either haven't been around me for very long or you just haven't given me anything incredibly dumb to overreact to. I have no explanation for why I do this.. but sometimes very small, insignificant things will annoy me to the point of melting down. I'll most likely throw something or yell about whatever's annoying me. If you ever witness this, pay no attention and give me about 10 minutes to do my thing, then I'll be fine. If you tell me it's stupid, it'll piss me off even more and you'll become the subject of my annoyance or anger. Just let it ride and everything'll be cool.

The last thing I can really think of right now is that I'm pretty inconsistent with shit. I'll start something strong, say to hell with it two days later, and pick it right back up afterwards. Once again, no explanation for this. If you find yourself wondering why I haven't done this or I haven't done that, it's because I'm either ass deep in other shit, or I just put it off for some other time. I procrastinate pretty much everything, and what I don't procrastinate gets set aside until I can figure out a way to do so.


If I think of more I'll add it later or just post a new entry about it. Either way, there ya go. If you find yourself offended or angry or whatever about any of this shit I do, you're doing yourself a serious disservice because it's nothing I'm going to change. It's not that I can't change these things because I'm pretty sure I can. I just won't. I won't because these few things define me to myself, and if I changed them, I wouldn't feel like me.. that and I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I wasn't fucking something up. :P

Seriously, though.. you're only hurting yourself if you're reading too much into things. Hopefully this will keep those of you that don't know this stuff from doing so, and in turn save you a lot of time and emotion that could be better focused on positive aspects of your daily lives.


So, there you have it. I might try to be on here a little more, but I doubt I will. To all of you I talked to on a fairly regular basis, I haven't forgotten about you, I promise. A lot of all that up there will explain some things.

I'm going to pay bills now. Wooooo..

I was gonna update my journal.. then I decided against it.

This is not an update.

This is the best LJ post ever.

I'm tired.

I'm hungry.

I have NO food.

I don't get paid until probably 2am since assface Curtis is overnight this week.

Fuck you Wal-Mart. Fuck you and your stupid fucking stocks. I fucking hate you. Die.


Ugh.. fuck off world.

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAHHH!! WE'RE HALFWAY THERE WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO-OOOOOOOOOOOOAH! LIVIN' ON A PRAYER!

Money. The root of all evil, so they say. I don't think that money is necessarily the root of all evil, but it doesn't make shit easier when you don't have any.

Fuck you, Wal-Mart.

I hate everything.

I need 100 beers. 100 exactly. Exactly 100, thank you.

Hello LJ. Long time no tickle.

Just thought I'd let you know I'm not dead.

I have to go to work soon and I don't want to. I think I'll set fire to the wretched place and crap on the remains. Fun. Anyone care to join me? You get to watch me crap. Bonus.

Everyone went in one direction. I went in the opposite direction. Now I don't know where I am.

Hurting people is the worst feeling in the world. People you like, anyway..

Had I never left, where would I be now..?

Go fuck yourself, San Diego!

So last night at work, amidst all the usual work bullshit, I had a conversation with myself. Not talking to myself or anything.. but, kinda having a nice little chat with my feelings in my head.

I talked to Love briefly. Asked him how he was doing and everything. "Hangin' in there," he said. "Just waiting, man. It's all good." Heh.. I wish I were as optimistic as he is.

I tried to talk to Apathy, but, he wasn't really paying attention. Didn't really care to talk. Silly Apathy..

Had a nice little chat with Misery and all the feelings that accompany him whenever he's around. You know how much he loves company. He's doing alright, I suppose. A little down, but, he's working through it. Nothing to worry about.

Guilt was there, but he couldn't stay long. He said he'd overstayed his welcome and it was time for him to leave. I agreed. You're not welcome, but I'm sure you'll be back..

I then made my way to Hate - a feeling I, until recently, didn't know existed within me. Hate and I had a long, long discussion and it appears that he showed up on account of one person. He was reluctant to come by, seeing as I wasn't really cool with having Hate around, but, he said there wasn't really any choice in the matter.. that this person, this dumbfuck counter-productive fucking retard asshole, had forced him to beat the fucking shit out of Dislike and take his place for this one particular person. Hate told me that eventually, with the passing of time and the riddance of this moron, that he would surely die. I was saddened by this because, as much energy as Hate uses, I like having him around. He keeps me focused, on edge, ready for anything. I know there are other feelings that can accomplish the same thing, but Hate does it so much better. He's a really good guy, just incredibly misunderstood. Try having a talk with Hate sometime, if you can find him or her within you. You might be surprised what you find out.

I just realized I have a fuckload of Russian shit in my interests. What the fuck?

Oh my God! I can do laundry at my house now. This so rocks.